Back In Baia
by overworkedandunderpaid
Summary: I returned to Baia on Lissa's orders, but I didn't expect to stay for so long. I guess I kind of settled into the rhythm of things here. I started to feel again, hell, I even got a new girlfriend. I should have guessed that Lissa would eventually send someone after me. But dear God, why did it have to be HER? RxD Rated M for a reason.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note:**

**Hello. It's been a crazy ass long time since i last wrote any fanfiction (about 5-6 years). So I'm writing VA fanfiction again because I have literally read every VA fanfiction and although some of them were good, none of them were what I wanted to read. So I wrote it instead. Yeah... Reviews more than welcome - of any kind.**

**Please consider that it has been a few years since I've done any serious writing (about 3) and I'm trying to get back into it through some light-hearted fanfic. Anyway, enjoy. :)**

It had been six months since my return to Baia. I hadn't intended to stay so long. In fact, if it hadn't been for Lissa's suggestion, I might not have come at all. It wasn't that I didn't want to see my family, nor did it have anything to do with the guilt that seemed to nibble at my insides and make my stomach turn. I simply hadn't considered the idea of leaving Lissa's side for one moment.

But then I arrived here. I saw them.

I think they wanted to ask about Rose – I knew she'd been here back when… well, back in those days. I don't know why they didn't ask, but I was glad. What was I supposed to say? That I barely felt anything for her right now? That I could hardly feel anything at all? Even for them. My family. Even when they held me, crying and laughing and babbling their thanks to God. Even then I felt … nothing. Just guilt.

I got better, I think. I hadn't really considered the possibility of feeling happier – especially without Lissa. She was my saviour. But I did. I started to feel a little warm inside when Paul, my nephew, would crawl onto my lap for a hug in the morning, his eyes still heavy with sleep, his little body warm with content.

I felt a little more at peace when we visited the church on Sunday, and I saw the glint of fractured light through the stained glass window, rainbows dancing along the wooden floors, like liquid gem stones.

I even smiled one morning, after a few weeks, when I came downstairs and my mother ordered me to make a loaf of bread as she moved frantically from frying pan to frying pan – it was my birthday. I don't think she saw me smile. Or maybe I had imagined it. But the feeling was there, and I was glad.

It had been almost five months when I met Irena. Up until then, I e-mailed Lissa every day to update her, to let her know how I was doing. I think it was one of the things that kept me going. But Irena changed all that. I no longer needed kind words from a dull computer screen, because she smiled so softly, in a way that reminded me of the kindness in Lissa.

She brought me peace, and listened to my troubles. She let me sit in silence, and she held my hand when I trembled with the guilt. I even brought her home and introduced her to my mother. Olena didn't say much, but her smile was genuine. She was happy that I was finding more normality in my life.

Yeva… well, she just seemed angry. She wasn't angry with Irena, but I could feel the hostility as she stared at the dhampir girl with that calculating look in her eye. After Irena had left, she didn't hold back.

"She is not the one for you, Dimka," she scolded. Her brown eyes were alight with fury. "She calms your spirit and dulls your senses."

I snorted. "She makes me happy."

Yeva eyed me with contempt. "Not happy, Dimka. She makes your soul silent."

That was the first night I had gone out – I hadn't left the house with the intention of getting drunk, but something about Yeva's words drove me to a bottle. What did it matter, what she thought? I was the one learning to feel again, and I would do it any way I wished. But that hostility and contempt followed me for the following weeks, until I found myself drinking every night. Eventually, it got to a point where I was drinking alone at the kitchen table, my mother frowning disapprovingly as she snapped off the lights and wandered upstairs to bed. When she was gone and the bottle was almost empty, I would make my way out of the house and down to the 24 hour liquor store. The clerk may have been too afraid of me to deny my request for alcohol. He didn't know that there wasn't a lot of fight left in me.

Tonight was such a night. I was making my way home again, staggering through the streets and trying to undo the cap on the whiskey I had just purchased. Quite a few people still wandered around – after all, it was day for the Moroi community. The visitors here never stayed long enough to bother adjusting to our schedule.

A group wandered past me, and I saw one of their guardians glance at me, his expression disgusted. My hair was out of its usual pony tail, and it hid the marks on the back of my neck relatively well. But sometimes a reputation is more powerful than some marks.

"Belikov," the guardian muttered as we brushed past each other. "Your mother is looking for you."

I staggered to the side, surprised. "What?" I slurred.

The guardian hesitated. I didn't know his name, but I had seen him around pretty regularly. His Moroi apparently liked to visit. I forced myself not to sneer in disgust. He glanced between his Moroi and myself and shook his head. "Your mother. She asked me to tell you she was looking. If I saw you." With that, he hurried on.

I considered shouting my thanks after him, but by the time my sluggish brain had processed the thought he was disappearing around the corner. I shrugged to myself and waved in the direction he had gone before continuing on my way.

Strange. I had thought Mama had gone to bed. I never left the house until everyone was asleep. I didn't really want them to know that I was drinking so much. Only Irena really knew how much I drank, and that was because I regularly found myself knocking on her door at four in the morning. I usually didn't remember much about such events, but from what I did recall, I simply sat with her in her lounge room, crying while she held me.

It made me feel a little guilty, but the other night I had shown up a little more sober, and I had kissed her. The way her expression had lit up had sent a thrill through me. At the time, I had wondered why I hadn't been as excited by the kiss as I had been her reaction. But it had made her happy, and I was determined to kiss her more often.

I was nearing my house, and against the light of the street lamps I could make out four figures standing near the front gate. Guiltily, I waved a hand at them. The movement caught me a little off guard, and I stumbled slightly to the left. "Sorry," I called out. I hadn't meant to wake them all up. I couldn't see Yeva's little hunched figure, so I assumed my mother and my sisters were waiting for me. "I didn't mean to… to wake you," I called. My tongue felt a little thick with alcohol. Some time on my walk I had managed to get the cap off that whiskey.

"You have got to be fucking joking."

I froze.

"Comrade, are you drunk?"

I staggered back, dropping the whiskey onto the pavement. "Rose?" I garbled uncertainly.

One of the figures made its way toward me, and even in the dim light, even drunk, I recognized that silhouette, that long, dark hair that she had pulled into a pony tail to show off her marks. I didn't even need to see her face.

And suddenly, inexplicably, I was furious. What the hell was she doing here? What right did she have to come here, to bring that part of my life rushing back? What right did she have to remind me of everything I had left behind, of everything I had done when I was Strigoi? I flinched. I had coached myself not to even think the word, and nobody since my return had dared utter it either.

I was drunk, and scared, and utterly enraged. I didn't think, really, I just reacted. There she was, walking towards me like she was entitled to my pain. I lunged at her.

I don't know if she was expecting it, but even if she wasn't I should have known she could take me. She was sober, and emotionally stable. She wasn't the one staggering around like the world was tipping on its axis.

I must have caught her by surprise, because she barely deflected my blow. Ducking under her retaliating fist, I stumbled a little. Rose danced back a few feet, her fists up defensively. I lunged at her again, roaring angrily, as she stepped back under the light of a lamp post. It illuminated her face, drawing out the fury in her eyes, and the determined set of her mouth. For a very long, drunk moment, I thought I was looking at an angel. Not the same, forgiving angel that was Lissa, but the angry, avenging angel that was the woman I scorned.

I suppose, in my momentary lapse in concentration, I didn't notice the narrowing of her eyes, or the way she shifted her fist slightly. But I noticed when she pulled her fist back and snapped it forwards again, connecting it solidly right against the side of my eye. Well, at least I'd had enough foresight to turn away from it.

She seemed to move startlingly fast after that, stepping forward into my attack the way I had taught her, punching at my ribs until I flinched away. She grabbed my shoulder and forearm, hooked her leg behind my knee, and brought me crashing to the ground.

"What the hell, Comrade?" she exclaimed angrily. She was straddling me, pinning my hands against my thighs with her legs. Her expression was furious, but smug.

"What are you doing here?" I snarled, struggling to free my hands. "Who gave you the right?"

"Lissa, actually," she responded drily, raising her eyebrows. I stilled at the mention of Lissa. "Being the queen's favourite and all, she sort of has that power."

"Why?" I asked, my voice low and guilty. I thought I knew why. It had been almost a month since I had replied to one of her e-mails. Almost as long since I had even checked them.

"Because she's worried about you, duh." Rose rolled her eyes in exasperation. "And I'm the only one she can really trust to bring you back."

"I'm not going back," I snapped, bucking against her. "You can't make me." I sounded pathetically childish, and apparently Rose thought so too. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

"You forget, Comrade. I already brought you back once."

I looked at her, horrified. How could she bring that up? But there was no apology in her eyes, even when she saw the pain it caused me. If anything, her expression hardened. I wondered if I deserved it. I had left her – abandoned her. She didn't owe me anything, least of all her kindness.

"I'm doing this for Lissa," she muttered. My family had surrounded us now, including Yeva.

"And what exactly are you going to do if I refuse to come back with you?" I hissed.

Rose smiled without any humour. "I'll wait," she replied, her eyes narrowing.

"Well, I hope you have enough money to stay in the motel for the rest of your life," I snapped back. I knew she would. After all, Lissa would be funding this vacation. But it just felt like a little victory, and pinned as I was, a little victory was all I was going to get.

"Nonsense," Yeva said – in English, to my surprise. "Rose will be staying with us."

There was a moment of silence. I expected someone to protest, at least. Nobody did. I felt that rage building up inside of me again as Rose smirked down at me, victorious yet again.

"Well, that problem is –"

I cut Rose off before she could finish, freeing my hands and throwing her off me with all the force I could muster. In the time it took me to get to my feet, Rose was already there, right in front of me, a passionate anger written in her expression, and her fist once again flying towards my face.

I blocked a little, and turned away, but the blow was still strong and true, and it impacted with the force of a small truck against my temple. I don't even remember hitting the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, Chapter 2.**

**Firstly, thanks to everyone for their reviews! I had actually written the first four and half chapters (totalling 11,000 words) all in one day – the same day I uploaded the first chapter. After looking at the reviews, I've decided to take it a little more seriously (aka slowly).**

**Just for people that read and don't review – it is insanely helpful. It lets me know where you want the story to go, and what kind of things you want to read. I am aiming to put a story out there that people will really love, so you're reviews DEFINITELY shape the kind of writing I'm uploading.**

**Secondly, I forgot to mention that this story is obviously set after Dimitri has been turned back into a Dhampir, but none of that killing-the-queen business went down. Obviously…**

**Thirdly: disclaimer. Do not own characters or previous plot that may be mentioned.**

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><p>RPOV<p>

I would do pretty much anything for my best friend. Even if I wasn't her guardian (probationary, thanks to the bitch queen), I would still put myself between her and a strigoi, take a bullet – hell, several bullets. If, for whatever reason, she asked me to throw myself off the edge of the grand canyon, I would do it without hesitation.

So understand that when I say I hesitated when she asked me to come and check on Dimitri, it literally meant I would rather die. Again.

"Hesitated" may have been putting it lightly.

Still, here I was, in Baia, on my vacation time. Here I was, standing in the room Dimitri had been sleeping in for the last six months, rubbing my sore knuckles absentmindedly, regretting that I didn't fight Lissa all the way to the boarding gate.

I hadn't exactly been expecting a cold-shouldered welcome, when I arrived at Olena Belikova's home not two hours ago, but I was surprised by the enthusiasm – no, the relief – in her eyes when she opened her front door at one in the morning. Personally, if someone had woken me at that hour, it wouldn't have mattered if they were Christ reborn – I probably would have shot them. I certainly wouldn't have pulled them into a hug and thanked them for coming.

At that point, I hadn't really considered _why_ Dimitri hadn't returned to court, or returned any one of the numerous e-mail Lissa had sent. I'd even sent one or two myself, because I couldn't help but feed off Lissa's concern. I'd simply made my way over to Russia in a begrudging, bitchy silence, determined to bring him home.

I asked Olena if I could speak with him, and at her hesitation I got ready to use the polite-yet-demanding tone I had learned from Lissa. I planned to say something like "It can't wait until morning", but her following explanation that he was "out for a walk" threw me off guard. She seemed a little reluctant to answer when I asked why the hell someone would be out for a walk at one in the morning. That should have been warning number one.

Our conversation drew everyone from their beds, and before long I was surrounded by the Belikovs, whispering in Russian and casting me anxious glances. Yeva kind of just stood there, doing her thing. Her thing, as usual, seemed mostly to be standing there quietly, judging everyone. I managed not to say something snarky.

Sonya disappeared to comfort her new four month old baby, at which point Olena decided we were going to go out looking. I wasn't hugely concerned about Dimitri's safety, I mean, the guy was pretty badass. I had been content to wait until he returned from his strange midnight stroll.

As we exited into the summer night air, a small group of moroi and their dhampir guardians passed the front gate. Olena called out to one of them in Russian, and a guardian slowed a little, fixing his attention on her. They had a brief conversation, involving Dimitri's name. It felt a little awkward to me. It seemed that she had asked him something, but he was a little hesitant to answer. Whatever she asked, he eventually agreed before hurrying off with his group.

We stood outside the gate – Yeva stood just inside the door, watching us with those shrewd old eyes – and discussed our plan to go walking aimlessly about the town. I mean, it wasn't huge or anything, but I didn't fancy the idea of going on a long walk after spending the last two days plane hopping and driving down here from Omsk.

But then I heard his voice. Whatever he said, it was in Russian, but there was no mistaking that voice. I hurriedly attributed the warm, tingling sensation of pleasure and relief to not having to walk around town.

I turned just in time to watch him stagger slightly as he waved a bottle filled with brown liquid above his head. It was a strange picture, and at first I squinted at the bottle, wondering what on earth he could have in there. The idea of Dimitri drinking was so unrealistic in my mind that my subconscious momentarily refused to believe the facts it had been presented with.

"You have got to be fucking joking." I looked at him in amazement, glad that any unwanted feelings stirring in my stomach were being stomped out by my utter disbelief. "Comrade, are you drunk?" I asked, starting my way towards him.

"Rose?" He had dropped his bottle unceremoniously on the pavement, and he was staring at me. His expression was filled with surprise, pain, awe… and longing. I almost came to a standstill myself, seeing those emotions play across his face, more open and vulnerable than I had seen him since his first days as a dhampir again. It was the same look he had given me from behind his cell bars back at court.

My steps faltered, and I barely had time to register his expression turning to one of rage, or his drunken roar as he lunged towards me, his fist pulled back and ready to strike. I recovered pretty well, and deflecting his blow and throwing out one of my own. He dodged clumsily out of the way, and as I moved back into the light, my surprise gave way to anger.

Seriously? This was how he decided to greet me after six months? He thought _he_ was mad…

The fight didn't take very long, now that I was on guard. I managed to land two fantastic blows to his face, the second one knocking him out cold. I pushed away that little voice that said it was a shame to mark that pretty face. That little voice could march straight to hell. Those days were over.

It hadn't taken very long to deduce that we needed to get Dimitri inside, and even less time to realize that no one was going to be able to do it on their own. Viktoria ended up under one arm, and I under the other. He reeked of alcohol, and I wrinkled my nose in disgust. We dragged him inside and dumped him face first on the couch. It was pretty comical, looking at a passed out six foot seven giant splayed awkwardly across a tiny couch. I suppressed a vindictive smile at the thought of how uncomfortable it looked. Served him right.

Yeva had been the one to suggest I would stay in their home, and Olena was the one that offered me Dimitri's room. At this point, with the minimal sleep I had managed to catch during my trip over here, and the resentful feelings I had for Dimitri, I wasn't about to refuse.

I was sitting on the end of the bed, staring mournfully at my unpacked clothing.

_He said he wasn't coming back. I might as well call Liss and tell her. Might as well book my flights home._

The idea made me smile. After all, this was my vacation. I was just doing her a favour. But I didn't think Lissa was going to accept Dimitri's drunk, childish refusal.

I glanced up at the laptop, placed on the bedside table. Lissa had given it to Dimitri as parting gift, insisting that he e-mail her regularly. That had worked out, for the first five months. I quickly debating the pros and cons of opening the laptop, and eventually decided it was just a bit of recon work.

Thankfully, Dimitri was too much of a trusting dinosaur to put a password on it. It took a few minutes to load, and I tapped my fingernails anxiously against the hard black casing. The first thing that popped up in the upper right hand corner was 34 unread e-mails. I frowned. He hadn't even opened his e-mail to get rid of that notification? Man, that would have driven me crazy.

I considered opening it up and sending an e-mail to Lissa, but I didn't want Dimitri to know I'd been on his computer snooping. Besides, Lissa'd given me a phone before I'd left, insisting that I ring her when I arrive. I glanced at it, sitting on top of my clothes in that suitcase, and decided against it. I would ring her tomorrow.

Not bothering the shut down the laptop, I left it open on the bed, grabbed my toiletries bag and hurried down the hall for a shower.

It felt incredible to be in a shower again. Spending two days in confined spaces had made me feel sweaty and disgusting. I'd had very few opportunities for personal hygiene. I was rinsing the shampoo out of my hair, brooding about what a bummer of a vacation this was turning out to be, when a darkness pulled me into Lissa's head.

She was at Lehigh, and it was mid-afternoon. She was looking down at her phone as it flashed at her. Three missed calls from Christian. She sighed heavily. They hadn't been able to talk a lot recently. It was almost a two hour drive between university and court, and Lissa spent four days a week on campus. She tried to study as much as she could in that time, so that when she got back to court she and Christian could relax together.

Her phone buzzed again, and she looked at the caller ID with disappointment. She spared a glance for Eddie, her guardian. He was my temporary replacement while I was on "vacation".

"Tatiana," she mouthed, wrinkling her nose in disgust. Eddie offered her a small smile and took a step back, surveying the classroom. It was after class, but the doors stayed unlocked for students that wanted to study. I grinned, not envying Eddie one bit. Lissa got super boring when she studied.

Her conversation with Tatiana was thankfully brief, and didn't revolve around vague suggestions of finding a new boyfriend, as so many of their conversations did. It was actually focused on a dinner that Lissa was expected to attend upon her return to court the following day. Still, it was enough for Lissa to press the end call button with a little more force than necessary. Eddie seemed to notice.

"Are you alright, Lissa?" he asked quietly. There were other students in the room, but they were far enough away to miss the conversation. _And nerdy enough_, I thought with a smirk. Lissa wasn't focusing on what books they were studying, but I was willing to bet it was something like advanced calculus. Again, no envy for Eddie.

She looked at him harshly, and for a moment he looked taken aback before he schooled his expression into one of professional indifference. I instantly felt a pang of regret. Eddie was getting used to the dark outbursts. Lissa had made me promise to stop taking the darkness away from her – she said she was better at dealing with it than I was. Sometimes I didn't listen.

Carefully, I pulled at a thread of evil feelings in her head, and I felt them unravel and slide through the bond. I shivered. Even under the hot water of the shower, it felt like someone had slipped something cold and oozing down my spine.

Lissa's expression relaxed into a smile. "At least she's not trying to push Adrian and I together anymore," she said with a laugh. Eddie relaxed a little and smiled.

I pulled away from Lissa's world as the temperature of my shower started to drop. I dried and dressed myself slowly, my thoughts consumed by Lissa's last words. Adrian and I were an item of gossip back in court. Our relationship was pretty much a scandal.

At first, Adrian's mother and the queen seemed perfectly alright with it – probably because they were convinced it was a temporary thing. But lately Adrian had become a little bit more… intense. Honestly, they might not hate me so much if they knew how much it scared me.

There was a rumour going around that Adrian had bought a ring – a diamond ring, no less. At first, I brushed it off as more idle gossip. But even I had to admit that after a few weeks, it got to me. It didn't help that when I asked Adrian, he didn't deny it. I wasn't sure if he was toying with me, or if he seriously did intend on proposing.

And if he did? I had no idea what I would say. I thought I'd made it clear that I never intended to marry – least of all marry a royal Moroi. That would probably piss off Tatiana enough that she would terminate my probation as Lissa's guardian and give me filing work for the rest of my life. Although I knew in my heart that if I loved Adrian enough, Tatiana's retribution shouldn't mean anything to me.

Therein was my problem. I had started to wonder what the hell was wrong with me. Adrian was a great guy. He made me happy. I loved him. So why was the idea of him proposing so freaking terrifying?

I walked back to my room in my pyjamas, turning over uncomfortable thoughts in my head. Adrian and I getting married, having kids…

I closed the door behind me and glanced over at the laptop on the bed. It had a screensaver popping photos up against the black background. I smiled at a picture of Lissa holding a cardboard sign with big writing; "We'll miss you!"

I knew she'd gone around taking photos in the days before he'd left. She insisted on giving him memories of all of us. I had planned to all out refuse if Lissa had asked to take a photo of me. But she hadn't asked. I admit, I had been hurt. At the time, I was still swinging between passive indifference toward Dimitri, and an excruciating desire to be involved in his life. Lissa had explained that she didn't want to stress him out, so she had removed all the photos were I was in the background.

As I reached out to shut the laptop, I paused. I stared in confusion at a picture of me, smiling easily with Eddie and Mason either side of me. It was a picture for the St Vladimir year book, one that had been uploaded onto our school website – a website that made the school out to be slightly less vampiric than it actually was, naturally. I had to admit, it was a great photo. But why did Dimitri have it?

My hand hovered above the screen for a moment, before the photo disappeared and the next one peeled across. It was a blonde girl I didn't recognise. I cocked my head to the side. I couldn't quite place it, but something about her was familiar. Maybe it was those curls, so like the ones Mia used to style every morning at the Academy. Maybe it was the friendly gleam in her brown eyes, or the way she smiled, that reminded me of Lissa – minus the fangs.

The next photo was the same stranger, only this time Dimitri was in the frame with her. He was smiling as she kissed his cheek, but the smile seemed a little forced. A darkness had brought purplish bags under his eyes, and a careless tussle to his hair.

I closed the laptop and tried not to think about it too much. Maybe they were cousins?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Not abandoning this - I don't really abandon things. Just have exams that I haven't studied for and I don't want to repeat my courses next year at $3500 a pop. And yes, I did say I have a few chapters, but they are being revised and edited. Sorry about the wait, please have patience for the next two weeks. Thank you!**

DPOV

I woke up on the couch, lying face down in agony. My muscles were sore – like I had been hit by a train, or run a marathon the previous day. My face felt even worse. I parted my lips and winced at the pain. Apparently I had a split lip.

What happened last night? Had I gotten into a fight? That wasn't like me.

I forced myself to roll off the couch, and groaned as I hit the floor. A thundering headache seemed to make my skull weigh more than the rest of my body combined. I clambered to my feet, barely cracking open my eyes. The light filtering through the curtains could hardly be called excessive, but it elicited another groan from my parched throat. I shielded my eyes with my hand and slowly – and with great effort – made my way to the kitchen.

I could hear their hushed voices even before I made it into the room. I heard mention of Karolina's wedding – it was only a few weeks away now – and a few indistinct words of English before I made it through the door.

What I saw didn't really surprise me. I suppose even though I didn't consciously remember the events of last night, my subconscious had prepared me. Rose looked up at me as I entered, her mouth set in a smile of wry amusement, her eyes filled with a dark emotion I couldn't quite identify. Anger? Disgust? I could hardly blame her for either.

Mama opened her mouth, probably to say something about the time. I noticed that the remains of lunch were on the table, and all of my sisters were up – including Viktoria. It was late. I held up a hand and nodded to let her know. Yes, I understood what time it was. Yes, I would help her with chores. But for now, my eyes were fixed on Rose.

"I assume my face feels like this because of you?" I asked sharply. An uneasily hostile feeling settled in my stomach. "I thought that was a dream."

Rose couldn't help her smug smile as she crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. "Nope. I really did hand your ass to you." She paused a moment, revelling in her victory. "But to be fair, a lot of that damage was the ground. You're a dead weight when you're drunk."

I thought better of smiling – my bottom lip was still tender. As I looked at her face, I felt a little guilty that somehow (and I imagined it had been my doing) we had ended up in a fist fight last night. Then I felt really guilty as I remembered other times I had attacked her. Times when I was… not a dhampir. I mirrored her folded arms and leaned against the door frame. She studied my expression, as though she had noticed the further darkening of my mood.

I even thought I saw a bit of sympathy flash in her eyes.

"I'm not going back," I said harshly, vaguely recalling her reason for being here. I didn't want her sympathy. I sure as hell didn't deserve it. To be honest, I wasn't sure why I was refusing to leave. Maybe it was because I was finding peace here, or maybe it was because Lissa had sent _her_ of all people.

Rose's expression hardened. Viktoria sighed heavily. "Well, I'm going to the markets today," she said lightly, pushing her chair back. It scraped against the floor boards with a high pitched keening, and I winced. "Would anybody like to come with me?"

Sonya and Karolina seemed to get the hint, and they both got to their feet. Sonya had her daughter resting on one hip, and I wondered idly if they would take all the children with them to the market. My three sisters made their way past me and into the entry way, each giving me a long, exasperated look as they went.

I stayed where I was. Rose stood, her chair making a similar sound to Viktoria's, although I wondered if hers was intentional.

"Would you mind making a little less noise?" I asked moodily. Rose gave me a long, unreadable look. She gathered her plate and cutlery in silence, not breaking eye contact with me, and walked over to the sink. With an emotionless expression, she dropped the dishes into the metal sink from a purposeful height. The sound of chinaware against metal made me cringe.

"Sorry," she said innocently, slamming the cutlery drawer with her hip as she passed it. I refrained from showing any physical sign of pain.

She came and stood in front of me, her arms crossed once again. I looked her up and down, noticing the sweat pants and tank top for the first time. "Were you going somewhere?" I asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Already been, Comrade," she replied easily. "Found that old gym near the edge of town. Doesn't look like anyone's really used it in a while. Got some good equipment."

I knew she wasn't telling me because she wanted to make polite chit chat. She was gauging my reaction. I supposed I looked guilty enough to warrant a response.

"You're kidding, right? You haven't been training? You've been here for half a year!" Her expression was incredulous, almost accusing. I wondered if she noticed how much she sounded like me, back at St Vladimirs. Suddenly, I understood why she had been so sassy with me back at school. "Have you at least been running?"

I didn't want to tell her that I had been too drunk for the past two weeks to do anything at all. My days were spent recovering from hangovers, and my nights were spent accumulating new ones. And the time before that… well, to be honest, I was just trying to recover. The more time I had spent at home, the less I had wanted to do.

"Yes," I mumbled guiltily, casting my eyes downward. "I did run."

"When was the last time?" she prodded.

I didn't respond, and again, that seemed enough to explain the situation to her.

"Wow. Alright, Cowboy." There it was. That tone of disgust. I dimly felt the stir of rage from last night well in my chest, but this time I was sober enough to hold it in check. I lifted my head and met her gaze.

"I'm sorry I'm not perfect Rose. I'm sorry. I've been trying to deal with some stuff, if you don't recall. I'm not who I was before."

She just looked at me, as though my defence was pathetic. But it was enough of a defence to make her mouth harden into a tight little line, and her eyes to dull their contempt. But there was enough judgement there that I couldn't look at her any more.

* * *

><p>I ended up at Irena's that afternoon. I tried to tell myself it had nothing to do with Rose hanging around my home, occasionally shooting me strange looks and avoiding conversation. I felt a pang of guilt when Irena had opened the door, and looked at me with such sincere surprise, as though I had never visited her sober before. It had been a while.<p>

We ended up, as usual, in her lounge room, her younger brother, Grigory, smirking at us from the adjoining kitchen. Apparently he had witnessed the brief kiss that had occurred between us the other night, and there was rampant gossip floating all over town about our "impending engagement".

I knew Irena didn't expect any kind of commitment from me at this stage – I had been very clear at the beginning of our relationship that my current psychological turmoil wouldn't allow for such things.

"Is there something wrong?" Irena asked, settling herself next to me on the old love seat.

I smiled humourlessly. "No. Maybe." I looked at her imploringly for a moment. I felt like I could trust Irena implicitly – well, almost. There were things I hadn't confessed to anyone, even to her. Things I doubted I would ever speak of again. And honestly? I had hoped Rose would be one of those things. But I supposed Irena would find out soon enough.

She placed a hand on my knee and smiled encouragingly. "What is it?"

I took her hand in my own and played with her fingers, frowning. "Vasilissa has sent someone to bring me back to Court," I said cautiously.

Irena raised her eyebrows, a little indignantly. "_Sent_ someone to _bring _you back? Like you are some kind of escaped criminal?"

My frown deepened, but I didn't need to tell her that there were many people back at court that did think of me like that. A monster on the loose. I wasn't convinced they were wrong.

"Who did she send?"

I could tell from her tone that she was expecting me to tell her that a platoon of royal guards had come to haul me back in chains. That would have been a preferable option. "My… ex-student." There was a pause as I considered spilling my guts, telling her everything that had happened between Rose and I, but how could I tell Irena something I had never told anyone else? Lissa had known, but we had never outwardly discussed the relationship.

When the silence stretched on, I felt an irrational fear that maybe Irena had figured it out, that something in my tone had given away our history. I didn't want Irena to know about Rose and I. I knew it was practically lying, saying that Rose had just been my student. Why was I concerned anyway? Irena had been nothing but understanding during our short relationship. If she was okay with her new boyfriend being a reborn strigoi, surely she could handle an ex-girlfriend? Before I had the chance to continue, Irena spoke.

"Are you going to leave?" she finally asked, her voice almost a whisper.

I looked at her, and saw a soft concern in her eyes that warmed my heart. I gave her a genuine smile, knowing that her concern was for my wellbeing, and not born of selfish motives. "No." I leaned forward and kissed her, her soft lips moving underneath mine for a moment, before she smiled and pulled away. There was a light blush on her cheeks, and she inclined her head toward the kitchen, where Grigory sat, smirking at the stake he was so studiously pretending to admire.

"No need to start more rumours," she said with a wink.

"No," I agreed. But I kissed her again, briefly, just because I liked the way she smiled with shy pleasure afterwards.

We sat together for a moment, as I traced an idle pattern on the back of her hand, lost in thoughts that weren't entirely unpleasant. Maybe I could stay here forever. Maybe even marry Irena. I didn't think Lissa would begrudge me an early retirement – _a very early retirement_, a restless voice in my head commented. I slipped on my expressionless mask to keep myself from frowning. I didn't want Irena to guess at my thoughts.

_Rose is right_, the voice chided, _you're an embarrassment. What would you even do here? Get a day job? Drink your nights away? Raise your nieces and nephews? Yeva will never speak to you again. You're a guardian._

"I'm not a guardian," I breathed in retort. _I__'m a monster_.

"Sorry?" Irena asked, leaning forward and giving my hand a squeeze.

"Nothing," I said with a quick smile. "I was just thinking that I should probably head home and help my mother with dinner."

We said our goodbyes, and Grigory invited me to his eighteenth birthday party – a special event in Baia. After all, Grigory was a dhampir, and he would very soon be a guardian. Who knew when he would return home? I accepted the invitation and went on my way.

Mama didn't really need help preparing dinner. Karolina and Sonya had returned home, and they were all standing in the kitchen gossiping about Viktoria. Apparently, one of the boys from school had approached her and asked her to be his date to a party. They had disappeared together with some friends, and despite Mama's frown, Karolina assured her that Vika seemed to have matured in the past year. I got the feeling I was missing something when Karolina glanced at me knowingly.

Rose stood outside, on the phone to Lissa. I wanted to go out, to speak to Lissa myself and apologize for my silence in the last few weeks, but I had the feeling Rose was still avoiding me.

Instead, I sat awkwardly at the table, trying to distract myself from the shame that was bubbling inside of me, having an imaginary argument with Rose in which my behaviour over the last six months was completely justified. Imaginary Rose stood there with her feet apart, her arms crossed, and her eyebrows raised in disbelief, proving that I couldn't even convince a delusion that I had my reasons.

Dinner was awkward, even before Rose joined us. I couldn't stop shooting guilty glances at her through the window, making it almost impossible for me to hold a conversation, despite Karolina's attempts.

When Rose come inside, she offered apologies and smiles to everyone except myself, then sat down to eat without even bothering the make eye contact. The mood instantly shifted to an intense, seething discomfort. My family had always been good at ignoring that sort of thing, and Rose seemed to put on a great show of indifference as well, making polite chit chat that I knew used to kill her inside.

It wasn't until Viktoria arrived that the mood picked up, and the attention thankfully shifted to her supposed date.

"Was he cute?" Mama asked, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

Sonya nodded and smiled. "And so into you, Vika," she added.

Viktoria blushed and pushed her food around on her plate. "It's nothing serious," she said with a smile. "I haven't even said yes to him yet."

"Why not?" Sonya asked, surprised. I smiled little. Sonya rarely took her time with relationships. She charge head first into whatever she wanted. It really was a wonder that she didn't have more children.

"I just want to make sure…" Viktoria hesitated, and gave Rose a look. I scrutinized that look carefully, and decided that it was gratitude. "I just want to get to know him better. We didn't talk a lot at school."

Rose smiled, an expression of relief and guilt on her face as she speared a potato and changed the topic artfully. "Are you going to bring him to Karolina's wedding?"

"No, of course not!" Vika said indignantly. "The wedding is too close to start making adjustments!"

Instantly, everyone at the table was elbow deep in a conversation about dresses, colour schemes, and last minute catastrophes. I was impressed. I knew Rose had been at Court for the last six months, glued to Lissa's side, but I hadn't expected her to learn tact.

It was well into the night before my family dispersed, and I was starting to get a bit fidgety. I didn't like to think of myself as dependent on alcohol, but after an hour of wedding talk it was all I wanted. Rose and I had managed to avoid looking at each other, but I could still feel her disapproval when everyone began their goodnights. I was standing in the kitchen, trying not to be too conspicuous as I edged closer to the liquor cabinet when she finally looked at me.

Viktoria was helping Karolina carry the children to their beds, and Rose and I were left with a cloud of hostility hovering over us. She didn't say anything. She didn't even raise her eyebrows. It wasn't necessary. If we had gotten anything out of our complicated relationship, it was the ability to have conversations without saying a single word.

When Rose eventually turned to begin her way upstairs, she didn't say goodnight. It reminded me of the times I had caught her doing something she knew she wasn't supposed to do, and I would wordlessly reprimand her with a frown, or a glance. I had to admit, it was a buzzkill. I was starting to wonder why she hadn't tried to punch me more often.

Grumbling, I grabbed a new bottle of vodka out of the cupboard and unscrewed the cap. I didn't bother with a glass.


End file.
